Promise

Once upon a time, Z promised himself, to steer clear of love, concentrate on work; for his mind-set is not right, any supposedly pursuit of love will lead nowhere, and negligence of work will ensure that his life leads nowhere in future as well. Indeed, while he kept his promise, he concentrated better, and better work performance served him well.

But with limited success comes the urge to find someone to share the success with. He fell in "love", but his work performance dipped, and he made the same promise to himself again.

Time flashed by. Making a promise, breaking it, and making the same promise again. Perhaps promises to oneself are the hardest to keep. No wonder my primary school placed so much emphasis on self-discipline then. Educators with foresight indeed.

What is love? When is it "the true love"? Does it exist in the first place? This has always been a tough question to answer, and many young people spend much time, if not most of it, searching for it. But I believe that since the answer is so elusive and there are other important issues to deal with, it is common sense to solve the easier problems first. Yet this is also where the most difficult part lies. Love can be so over-powering that it clouds common sense.

The passive side of me would rather believe that everything in one's life are pre-determined, destined. No matter what I do, what is destined to be mine, will be mine; whatever that is not will never be.

The implusive side of me would encourage Z to go for it, profess your love, and weather whatever the outcome. If Z were to sit still and do nothing, the earth spins on. The world does not revolve him. To get what he wants, he must do something about it. Money does not drop from the sky; love does not come knocking if he locks himself up at home.

But what truly controls the impluse is the fear of rejection, the loss of friendship. Reckless, some may say. This would lead to a dominance of the passive over the active side. Yet, the passive process is long and painstaking; taking the life out of one waiting, waiting for something lovely to happen, someday. Some day. Maybe.

The acceptance of the passive approach is guided by prudent, careful deliberation of the pros and cons of action. But the growing fondness, and ensuing emotional struggle, stemming from the long, tedious waiting process, can just overwhelm the logic system in one's mind, and propels one to seek a quick end to the emotional upheaval. Profess! Be honest!

Say it, and it's all over. Believe me.

Rather than struggling daily with one's internal demons, why not put more effort into engaging the love of your life? Talk, engage, interact. Struggling with oneself means talking to our love only in your own dreams. Do not be selfish, open up a two-way communication. Let her talk to you too.

Easier said than done. She is busy with work, playing catch-up for missed dates with her old friends, saving the remaining time for family time to make up for less time at home. How does she find time for Z? Z wants to talk; She has no time for Z. How did Z have so much time? Must have been neglecting work commitments, snubbing old friends, spending time at home to do work instead of communicating with family. All done in the name of the great love for Her. Stupid! But that is close to what is happening now, just not as bad. Wrong sacrifices made, and no positive results produced.

How dumb can Z get?